Staying Connected to Yourself in Conflict
This worksheet is designed to support gentle self-reflection. Take your time, and respond in a way that feels right for you. There are no “correct” answers.
Date: ___________
This worksheet is intended to help you understand what happened in moments of conflict, what you may have been feeling and needing beneath the surface, and what repair could look like, without blaming yourself or the other person.
1. Your Conflict Pattern
When you think about recent conflict, what do you notice about your responses?
☐ I move toward (seek reassurance, ask questions, escalate)
☐ I move away (shut down, withdraw, go quiet)
☐ I smooth things over (agree, minimise, apologise quickly)
☐ I become defensive or critical
Reflection:What feels familiar about this pattern?
2. What Was Happening Beneath the Surface?
Think of a recent conflict.
What did you feel on the surface?
What might have been underneath that?
Surface feeling:
Deeper feeling(s):
3. Meaning-Making
In that moment:
What did your mind tell you the situation meant?
(e.g. “I don’t matter,” “I’m being rejected,” “I’m not safe”)
4. Your Needs
What did you need in that moment?
☐ Reassurance☐ Clarity
☐ Space☐ Understanding
☐ To feel heard
☐ Something else:
5. Slowing the Moment
What helps you slow down—even slightly—when you feel activated?
☐ Breathing more slowly
☐ Grounding in your body
☐ Taking a pause☐ Naming what you feel
☐ Other:
6. Your “Adult Self” Voice
If a grounded, steady part of you could speak in that moment, what might it say?
7. Communicating: Truth + Need
Try reworking a past interaction using this structure:
Truth:
Meaning:
Need:
Request:
8. Pausing with Intention
If you needed to pause a conversation, how might you say it in a way that keeps connection?
Example structure:
timeframe
reassurance
return plan
Your version:
9. Repair Reflection
After conflict, what makes repair easier or harder for you?
What might you want to try next time?
10. Closing Reflection
What are you taking from this reflection?
Gentle Reminder
Your responses in conflict are not random—they are shaped by your experiences, your nervous system, and your need for connection and safety.
Awareness is not about blame. It’s about creating space for choice.
Worksheet Disclaimer
This worksheet is for self-reflection and personal insight. It is not a substitute for therapy or professional support. If difficult feelings arise, you may find it helpful to speak with a qualified therapist.
Contact: insidestorytherapy@gmail.com | Surrey, UK